Anxious to talk to you

The nerves fire off warning shots, listen. Yes?
Oh, well, in mine eyes the camera jitters quite violently, blurring the spectacle of life.

If you miss much I miss it all, or most, not to curse this momentary lull with interjections of mine suffering but; no one’s listening.

Samuel Beckett says the essence is beneath and behind you, I, the unfortunate inessential, cannot see his meaning. Perhaps..?
Oh, well, all is a-float on strings of space and time, drifting far and wide.


Attack (not really) of the black rat (rattus-rattus).

Last year September, or thereabouts, there was a black rat in my place. At the time, i didn’t know about my asperger’s. but the extra sensory situation rendered me a nervous wreck.
If a see an ant; I will itch all over from the mere awareness of there being a little critter around. I generally do alright with slow moving creature (i can keep my eye on them).
But quick, zippy little critters with unpredictable movement (call the nerve-doctor); my heart rate, my ears and eyes perceive just about everything both far and near.
Butterflies are beautiful, but their flapping and seeming erratic movement sends me to evasive mode, arms tucked close to my chest, head buried deep in my neck.
the same with pigeons; i love those little grey pedestrians of the city. but when they take off! flap-flap-flap! gaaahr!
Back to the black rat (a small bodied, long tailed little creature); so fast if you blink you might miss it.
I cannot sleep in my small room so i go into the lounge; open space, sofa isn’t too bad plus the TV keeps the mind off the bugger.
since last year, there have been five of these little guys, some go in coffins, one ran out the door.
The most irking part, is that there are these periods of peace and quiet. the senses calm down, i walk around barefooted, cool tile floor and the hum of traffic i have grown accustomed to. and then Dash! Flash! woosh! a black shadow zips across the wall, next to a cupboard, by the door. and there’s another unwelcome guest.
So i must prepare for the upsurge of my nerves, the adrenaline, the misplaced fear because my senses are so potent on their own as it is.
Ah. to blog out my stresses. thanks 21st century.