Time Gazing

concert noise 

cigarette amps

crushing pedals with steel toe riffs 

picking guitars 

that’s how you smoke it 

if this is the Noise they said would sweep me away

they said I’d drown under, 

be carried away by 

dreamy sleepy Vocalist

drifting in the 90s 

floating on VCR tapes and rusty groovy reels of graphic melodies, 

then I was born for this

yeah, nostalgia burning a hole in my lungs. 

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Clarity of Expression: Non-Fiction exercise deux

You Are My Center, when I spin away…
Love songs, Romance in movies and books, they do not speak to me nor do I find any remnants of myself within their concepts and depictions.

Hugs and Kisses, The arguments and make-ups, a carnival of emotions both ironic and cryptic without ever coming to any kind of conclusion unless for some inexplicable reason you find that rare old couple; they fit like a glove, they live having developing their own tailored “coping mechanisms”
For everybody else I see a merry-go-round of hypocrisy and force-fed hope
Marriages and weddings with the same script but ever changing characters.

‘Blame it on my Aspergers,’ I think to myself.

And it’s alright.
That I don’t get it, that I do not care for the Wheel of Romance.

But it would be great if somebody could explain what it’s all about!

Practicing Non-Fiction For My Studies

Sometimes the Remedy can depress you as much as the problem.
It can be as much of a trap as the situation you’re trying to run away from,
In its own way, it kills you softly

It has come to this; I cannot listen to my favourite music (which leans heavily on the minor – more depressing – keys)
All things worth consuming – in my opinion – ruminate on the world. They tend to hone in on the world AS IT IS. And there’s nothing more depressing than actuality, reality, fatality.
So I fill my ears with that oomph-oomph of club music and, it works, in so much as it stabalises my neurochemistry, removing a few dark blotches from the network of synapses.
But I equate this to being in a hole you were falling in for years and have merely slowed down your descent.
I need rescuing, but there’s only the moon staring down at me, the sun never comes out.

[TOOL, Radiohead, Marilyn Manson, Sun O))), Electric Wizard, My Chemical Romance.]

Faking IT (aww)

Thump! Thump! Thump!
I turn up the club music (won’t catch me dead in an actual club) so as to fool my physiology into a state of
(Aims forefingers) UP UP UP
squirt a little dopamine – spray-tan a little serotonin
lay back under the midnight moon-lit sky and
nod nod nod (in an imaginary dark corner with drink in hand watching younglings frolicking on the dance floor)
doof doof doof
The heel of left foot pumps against the four to the floor beat
oomf oomf oomf

Tipsy smirk