A heart emersed in smog: E-mail floating the vast liquid cyberspace

These emotions are so powerful, potent; they erode the electronic channels flowing to-and-from my heart.

I’ve never been one to surround myself with hoards of friends – but each unexpected event; every tragedy or surprise, no matter the scale, – has me severing the already minuscule network I have developed for years around me.

I simply cannot take the overriding emotions. My body cannot take it. My eyes were bought cheap but now they’re a low grade x-ray pair which sees through flesh (I have no control of this) and the sight of humans laid even more bare than I can already take sends me over the edge.

I un-plug from this dimension as best as I can.

I refuse to leave my apartment when I hear something terrible has happened to a friend; and they will need me for support, – obligation wrecks my nerves even further.

Writing this ist trop much, I’m soRri but I cænt – continue: die Sanduhr ist gestiegen.

ø To whom ever is out there ø

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Attack (not really) of the black rat (rattus-rattus).

Last year September, or thereabouts, there was a black rat in my place. At the time, i didn’t know about my asperger’s. but the extra sensory situation rendered me a nervous wreck.
If a see an ant; I will itch all over from the mere awareness of there being a little critter around. I generally do alright with slow moving creature (i can keep my eye on them).
But quick, zippy little critters with unpredictable movement (call the nerve-doctor); my heart rate, my ears and eyes perceive just about everything both far and near.
Butterflies are beautiful, but their flapping and seeming erratic movement sends me to evasive mode, arms tucked close to my chest, head buried deep in my neck.
the same with pigeons; i love those little grey pedestrians of the city. but when they take off! flap-flap-flap! gaaahr!
Back to the black rat (a small bodied, long tailed little creature); so fast if you blink you might miss it.
I cannot sleep in my small room so i go into the lounge; open space, sofa isn’t too bad plus the TV keeps the mind off the bugger.
since last year, there have been five of these little guys, some go in coffins, one ran out the door.
The most irking part, is that there are these periods of peace and quiet. the senses calm down, i walk around barefooted, cool tile floor and the hum of traffic i have grown accustomed to. and then Dash! Flash! woosh! a black shadow zips across the wall, next to a cupboard, by the door. and there’s another unwelcome guest.
So i must prepare for the upsurge of my nerves, the adrenaline, the misplaced fear because my senses are so potent on their own as it is.
Ah. to blog out my stresses. thanks 21st century.

Happy Clappy Hands

The noise oh the noise.
I may be mentally impaired.
Pills to float on the surface of sanity.
People I knew in high school moving fluidly through life.
Perplexed at how so many autistic folk move, as NT’s, with as much fluidity.
Enter autistic space and feel like an outsider. Maybe wires crossed in existential circuitry.
He unplugs from the rest of the world and finds it easy to forget.
He drinks non-alcoholic beverages to escape sobriety.
She doesn’t understand the milieu of smiles.
She wishes they would be transparent.
It’s all electronic and cybernetic.
It cannot cope with life.
Oh well never mind.
Nouns + Verbs.
Aspergian.