I’ve got Five Middle Fingers on my single little hand

You know what I don’t have to do?
I don’t have to care.
I can wake up and flash a middle finger at my alarm clock and let the rest of the day be a series of middle finger assaults which’ll invariably all blur into one

That old silver haired crow of a woman that keeps telling me to wear appropriate clothes will be the first to feel the wrath of my middle finger

That pig of a bus driver who looks at me as if we had dirty sex in some dirty alley will be second
Why does he always look like he’s just had clammy sex with a crab smothered in butter?

Beyond that;
faces blur, identities fuse into one another and I fucking swear if my neighbours don’t shut the fuck up I’ll gouge their eyes out with my middle fucking finger goddamn it!

When my aunt (the sprite-narcissist) figured it would be a great idea to take out some dirty laundry during grandma’s funeral I shoved an ugly middle finger right in her face. All my life I’ve been waiting for that moment and I’m rewarded with the rest of the family excommunicating my rogue ass.

Now that I am free I can see clearly now.
This satisfies me.
There will be more attacks and I don’t think I can stop.

F#@k/P¡$$ off: Dismissing the dismissable, a twist

*Toss off
Wank off
Jizz off
Blow off
Shit off
Barf off
Tick off
Ass off
*Dick off
Tit off
Gag off
Nut off…

You’ll have people scratching their heads when you direct these tellings offs their way.

Gag off Joey!
Toss off Tony!

I often dream of my grandmother angrily telling me to “tit off” for being such a lazy snot (NB: she would never say such a thing she’s too kind a person)
I’d still find it funny though!

Who said cursing can’t be creative?