MMMMM! mama mia!

Shredded tuna
Salted butter
Brown bread (none of that thin stuff, it must have body)
Olive oil

Spread the butter as you wish (but not too little,)
Add the tuna (basic stuff I know)
Sprinkle (sparingly) the olive oil over the tuna (and fold,)

This with a cup of strong black coffee is simple yet oh so mmmm! Mama mia!

For my sense there are subtle cross overs with each flavour; the pure brown bread oozes its wheaty aroma, the butter dances around the tuna and the olive oil creates a much desired texture of the whole snack.

Roll on, Roll off… My Transformation into Creative Critic Balloons. Look!.

Dear MF’ing Diary: Exhale…

I am joyfully exhausted.

Painting the apartment up for the last four days has revealed a part of me I would not have discovered while sitting in front of my laptop:

I zone out during simple, directed, and repetitive activity.

And I mean zone-out in that “meditative and metropolitan-zen” sense.

Today I did the last room, and I will miss it, I think I’m going to look into working around such taxing fields (as long as no heavy duty exertion is required [I’m way too skinny for that]).

There’s something ironic about making assumptions about oneself…

I figured my “place” on this spinning globe was toiling away at something cerebral (and that I would find said “zen” in an intellectual space)

But no; it is rather painting where I exhale with a sense of exultation and say: aaah. How relaxing that was, how decluttering (for my a.d.d busy body thoughts), how soothing and reassuring (each spread of paint leads closer to the end and this serves as a drive/encouragement produced by the activity [as opposed to having to pump myself up])

How philosophical (the act of transforming a large space with incremental [and repetitive] action, and that very modification of a physical area changing me as I take the fruits of my labour).
And the sense of achievement maintained as long as the memory of how the place looked before remains fresh in my mind.

And how Existential! (the memory of what the place looked like will invariably wilt away; and soon enough i will acclimatise to the new (which, truth be told, became old soon as the paint dried)…
Questions arise about the concept of new, and the desire for new, and the inner critic in me is sucking on a pacifier I can’t help but feel giddy at the prospect of becoming something I never thought I would just a mere five days ago.

Asperganoid (down), and OUT.

You Digress, I Digress, We All Destress

My room is a sidewalk away from a road, a block away from a pub(slash)bar, right next to a massive tree and (at night) a neighbour to tireless crickets.

With the window open, I can hear the foot steps of every pedestrian strolling to and from their respective night shift jobs (or perhaps a foray with a lover – maybe a spy on a mission or a criminal from a mission).

It gets terribly hot in the summer but I am left with a choice between no sleep or drenching my bed in sweat (the latter wins all the time) although it must be said the older I get the less I do anything “profusely”.

My hearing can be impeccable, particularly when the drone of daylight and day time hubbub subsides and the still of the night rises like a ghostly fog – an ethereal entity which (peculiarly) amplifies all the little noises and agitates all the discreet senses:

I clean my feet (to make them soft) so I can rub them together whilst in bed (such a lovely friction which takes me back to my childhood when I shared a bed with gran’ma and I would rub my feet against hers during the winter to warm mine (which always felt like the feet of a corpse) even to this day my feet are stubbornly cold in the winter)

Funny how the smallest things give rise to often buried memories…

But I digress.

F#@k/P¡$$ off: Dismissing the dismissable, a twist

*Toss off
Wank off
Jizz off
Blow off
Shit off
Barf off
Tick off
Ass off
*Dick off
Tit off
Gag off
Nut off…

You’ll have people scratching their heads when you direct these tellings offs their way.

Gag off Joey!
Toss off Tony!

I often dream of my grandmother angrily telling me to “tit off” for being such a lazy snot (NB: she would never say such a thing she’s too kind a person)
I’d still find it funny though!

Who said cursing can’t be creative?

Thank Gollum it’s Friday

Dreams are a real deal thing
Rolling under the bed
Making a friend of my shadow
I wonder: “what’s a glock ring?”
This ain’t what you think it is
Energy-drink drinking grandma-ma dances on a gold trimmed pole swaying hips in a come-hither sort of way
wink-wink
Wake up stiff and sniff arm pits – all I’ve got to say:
Thank Gollum it’s Friday

Is it SCT is it ADD it isn’t just ME

He’s Wide awake yet drowsy

He sits to read a book with much enthusiasm yet a sentence into the story a powerful lethargy swoops over him

He plots a tale and his eyes are heavy and he can feel the loooong and lugubrious brain waves, the sluggish cognitive tempo, all of this in a fully wake state of mind

“I want to get on with it; to write, read, and enjoy whatever I consume,” he exhales frustrated, draws a breath “but it’s like some entity is sucking the energy out of me.”

To some extent; he has found ways to battle the dreaded Lethargy:

“I put on some brilliant high tempo music, admittedly it has to be just right, and I can just feel my brain waves becoming more excited; I can feel the Energy Vampire shriek and run as I become more and more invigorated!”

As an Aspie, the solution is welcome, but it is something he cannot take into a place of work or study.

“Yeah – it’s a funny ol’ thing! Imagine drinking an inordinate amount of coffee and still dozing off – hopeless.”

**

Psychiatrists have been trying to figure out what defines Sluggish Cognitive Tempo (SCT). They need to know, among other things, if SCT is just Inattentive ADHD (ADHD-PI) with a coexisting diagnosis of Anxiety and/or Depression and also if SCT is otherwise different from ADHD. They are trying to determine if people who are primarily inattentive need to be removed from the ADHD category all together and be placed in a separate category. –
[http://www.primarilyinattentiveadd.com/2012/03/is-sluggish-cognitive-tempo-sct.html?m=1]

**

The music which he describes as his Audio Medicine:

Band:
And So I Watch You From Afar
Album:
And So I Watch You From Afar

Band:
Bring Me The Horizon
Album:
Suicide Season

Band:
Bullet For My Valentine
Songs:
Hand of blood, tears don’t fall, the poison, hearts burst into fire

“Or generally whichever music gets my heart pumping.”