Missing Shadows. Nostalgia bites.

Rice is really nice and light on the stomach

I should probably eat more but I don’t wanna

I think there’s a case to be made for neo-Hardboiled modernism in this generation

With the twitter and sparse attention spans

The easier ones content is to consume the more one will consume it (most likely)

I dated someone with Bipolar once

I think about that person often and how things might’ve been different if I knew more about Bipolar then as I do now

But I myself was ignorant of my aspergers and A.D.D

I miss that person; I wish we went for friendship as opposed to relationship

They were admitted into a mental institution several times, but unlike a previous lover who seemed to always be slipping away or we never quite gelled together (another relationship which would have been better left in the friend-zone), with this one I always felt like I could be there for them no matter what

There’s something about being with a person who has their own demons. Real mental shadows that move things around. A unique bond is formed. Aliens amongst their own.

But I was not the grown up I am today and my default reaction to almost anything back then was to jump ship whenever I felt my presence was detrimental to the person I was around (whether perceived or accurate)

Rather than solve.

The funny thing is; once I knew I was an aspie; I embraced that mindset of solution orientation

But sometimes, starting things intimately and trying to revert back to more friendly parameters is impossible, I know it is with me.

So I remember a shadow of that person. Encapsuled in time, in my memory, reimagined in my fiction and art.

In my heart.

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6 thoughts on “Missing Shadows. Nostalgia bites.

  1. I like rice, I even cook it in the microwave…
    At least you learnt, at least they inspired you. Tis better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all said Alfred Lord Tennyson, and also everyone else that likes to use this quote but have no idea it came from a poem that’s really fricken long. But it’s kind of true, but you don’t realise it till ages afterwards. They taught you empathy, to seek knowledge, to what you want out of a relationship. People walk in and out of your life for a reason I truly do believe that. No matter what they did while they were in your life good or bad, still changes your mind frame in some way, whether you think it’s for the worse or better is entirely in your head. Doesn’t change the fact you’ve still moved forward. Beautiful read by the way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know what time it is in Australia but I’ve just woken up and it’s to such kind (and wise) words so the rest of my day can only be up hill from here on out.
      And you’re so right, I learned a great deal from that relationship;
      I always feel warm and fuzzy when you talk about your partner and how kind and good he is to you.
      There’s something about (genuinely) good people which makes the heart grow fonder (especially in this icky-pricky world).
      Thank you for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s 4.15pm over here now, was maybe 11.30 or so when I wrote that I think. I am incredibly lucky to have found him, but then again I deserved to find him. I went through a lot of hell, I spent 4 years single but virtually my whole life without friends or someone to be close to. I needed to go through that to appreciate what I have. I didn’t understand that at the time though, I just thought life was incredibly unfair to me. Life works in mysterious ways with no build up at all, all of a sudden your life can change in the extreme and you will never see it coming.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t sleep much?
    It’s cool to hear someone say “I deserve”, and you are so right.
    I’m in that “no friends and’ve been single for close to six years now” (but that last bit is a positive in my eyes)
    I dream of having THAT friend, a ’till death do us part friendship, which makes me roll my eyes every time I say it but were I to get such a friendship I would feel the way you do about your partner (deserve this, and cherish it like oxytocin) 😀

    I hope I didn’t wake you!
    Argh it’s really cool getting to express though; thanks for giving me the opportunity to do so.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You didn’t wake me I meant 11.30am I woke up late, commented then you replied like 4 hours later. I’ve only just seen this response now and it’s 7.53pm so it’s just been a day for me really. One day there’ll be someone like you that you might connect with, it usually happens when you least expect it. May not be in the form of romantic relationship either. You’re a really cool person, I really enjoy reading your posts and I really like your art. So express away I really enjoy reading it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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