Fear: Are you scared or…

I wonder; is hiding ones reaction unhealthy?
Allow me to elaborate;
I am versed in the skill of hiding my “fear” when around other people.

When a person scares me (unintentionally), my heart races, I almost jump out of my skin,

But the person wouldn’t know because on the outside I am as still as a mouse.

One becomes a master at masking their honest feelings when the world constantly crushes you, and you develop a mistrust, a deep suspicion (is anybody watching me, waiting to see me “being weird”)

On the other end of the scale I seem to scare everyone in my family because I walk (as my mother says) like a cat. (Not literally, I’m just really quiet, my foot steps light, my breathing calm)

I am incredibly conscious about the spaces I occupy, making sure I do not stand out, (a protection mechanism; because nobody bothers a ghost)

I rather enjoy my ninja status.

But I need to solve my anxiety problems (will I be less of a ninja when/if I do?)

So many decisions I make on what I wear and how I talk seem to be a muddle of aspergers and anxiety, so I don’t know where MY identity starts and where the effects of social ills have affected me begin.

Here’s to figuring that out.
Asperganoid OUT.

P.S.: What are Lumbersexuals attracted to?
Timber!

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One thought on “Fear: Are you scared or…

  1. You definitely won’t be less of a ninja! It sounds like you already have some pretty solid coping skills. Anxiety can be a bastard to deal with, and there are lots of methods. If you are going to see someone about the anxiety, they should discuss all the options with you and let you make an informed choice on what will work best for you.

    If someone scares me, I do jump out of my skin and scream like a little girl. And then I laugh, or swear. Depending on who scared me 😉

    Liked by 2 people

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