THE neutral state of mind. Slumped shoulders, don’t know how to take initiative, the sticks’ lost the plastic carrot.
After months of deep lows, a few highs, this “non-event” state feels like anticipating paint drying.
Ironically it’s the state I wish for when I feel depressed, but when it arrives…
Enter mind altering substances…
I walk by the booze store. Money in my pocket, just, looking for a little shift in my head-space.
The fearlessness is great, and unlike coffee, I sleep well through the night after the affects have worn out.
BUT… I walk on by the store… Anxious and fearing the idea of becoming dependant on the liquid courage.
Sporadically I drink and may this diary entry shut up and quit asking “who cares?”